The things I get myself talked into...

You know, when Mendy first said, "Karl's jumpin' in the pool tomorrow at noon, wanna come?"  I was like, "Sure, I'll get Big Dave to jump in with his new Flash underoos!"

 
And then I may or  may not have invited everybody at our New Year's Eve party to come join in the fun. 

However, on New Year's morning when Kristine called to see what I was gonna wear to the plunge I was like, "Um... were we serious when we talked about that last night?"

Yes.

Yes we were serious. 

And then Mendy called to remind me to get my booty over there at noon.

Crap.

And following true Dhuland style, Big Dave, Miss Priss and I donned our bathing garb, wrapped ourselves in snuggly robes and headed over to the inaugural Grotheer Pool-ar Bear Plunge.

(I get a shiver just thinking about it.)

We got over to the pool, and it was SO sparkly and clean.  The temperature outside was in the sixties... sunny and almost warm... the water temp was a balmy 47 degrees.  Mercy.

We waited until everyone arrived, pretty much chuckling and pretending like nothing horribly bad was going to happen.

Ha, let's take pictures and live in an extreme case of denial... yes, let's do that.

 
And then all of a sudden, somebody was saying, "Okay, everyone's here, let's get ready!"

So I kicked off my slippers, and put my bare feet on the cold wet tabby deck... uh oh.  Cold?  Wet?  NOT good.

Did I mention it seemed like a good idea at the time Mendy mentioned it?  Well that was three glasses of wine into the night, and I was feeling quite warm.  Dammit.

So we assembled ourselves like thirteen convicts in a felony line up...

 
I'm pretty sure somebody said,  "Look cold."  It wasn't a stretch.

My plan was as follows:

Jump in (looking as cute as possible)

Immediately veer to the right and get up the steps as quickly and gracefully as possible.

Keep all necessary body parts clothed and protected.

I've got this.

Right?

 
Oh crap... they're actually jumping?  I totally didn't think it would come to this.  Why is Kristine holding her nose?

 
Oh dear Jesus... I'm jumping! I'm jumping!  Wow, that water is so pretty.

 
Oh good Lord have mercy!!  Daggers!! Knives!! Splinters!! Bamboo shoots!! Shards of glass!!

 
Five thousand razor blades slicing into my poor polar bear virgin flesh!

 
Up! Up! UP!!

 
OUT OUT OUT!!

 
This a good moment to note the following:

1. Teddy apparently channeled his Army torture training which enabled him to leap across the entire pool, walking at least two steps ON the water, and pull himself to safety in approximately three seconds.  The damdest thing I've ever seen.

2. Alex (Kristine's 13 year old son) may or may not have killed half a million chances of having a child in his future, but damn sure got in and out of the water in a hurry.

3. It will take the next three to five frames for Big Dave to power himself across the shallow end.

4. Where's Mendy?

 
Look, there's Kristine!

And here she is doing her 'Scream' face...

 
I could look at this forever.

And I might also note the slight deviation from my original game plan.

Now the strategy is the following:

Jump in.

Immediately freeze.

Panic.

Turn around.

Haul my ass OUT of that water.

Now!

 
Hey, I'll bet this nice man next to me will help me out...

 
Hi nice man... a hand up? Um no.

If there's one thing I've learned about plunging into ice cold water is this...

It's every man, woman, child for themselves. 

Seriously.  I finally lugged my 150 pounds out of the water and began an all out sprint to the fresh out of the dryer towels and looked over at my best friend... the woman who would do anything for me or my family, struggling to pull herself from the frigid waters, and all I could think about was, "TOWEL...TOWEL...TOWEL." 

It's true.

I left her to flail until she finally hauled herself onto dry land like a frostbitten walrus. 

So sad.  And damned funny, if you ask me.

It's okay. Really.  She forgives me...

 
In fact, we all forgive each other...

 
Even if we are a bit traumatized.

And we've vowed to do it again next year.

Lord help us.

(I think I better start doing pushups now.)

;

PS...

There's Mendy!

 

Comments

[Roxann]

Hilarious! I'm a member of the Polar Bear Club, too! I did it in high school. And yes, I am smart enough to never do it again!

Of course, mine was more hard core than yours. (sorry, but true...) It was a mere 19 degrees. We had to crack the ice off the top of the pool on just one end, so we had a place to jump.

I dove in, swam under the water most of the way...then made my way as fast as I could to the other side and got my ass out of there! It was amazing. (and freezing and stupid and invigorating and stupid) But, I'm glad I did it. ONCE.

Love you...miss you and K so much....loved the photos! The cutest polar bears I've ever seen!!!

Happy New Year!

Love,
Roxann

[Kim]

This is hillarious ~ you should write a book you have such a way of making things come to life and I laughed so hard when I read this......Happy New Year!!

[deiha]

I am freezing just reading this!

[anne murdock]

I have racked my brain to find a reason why you all did this and as of tonight nothing has come to light. With 3 degrees below weather just the thoughts of water outside freezes me to death.I even get cold looking at your still sandaled feet. Even your toenails turned blue.:)

[Janet Bennett]

Okay, that caused a panty change! Don't know if you remember me - used to own Scrapbooks in Jacksonville. Have followed your blog through the years and must say - today's post was a winner! There I was, at my breakfast table in my husbands robe, hairy legs, yesterday's makeup. He came out of the bedroom to see what all the commotion was about and thought I was nuts. Don't laugh out loud much (I'm an inside kinda girl) but was rolling! One of these days I'll be in your neck of the woods and I'm coming to visit. Feel free to invite me......or not, I'm coming anyway!

Janet Bennett