Everybody knows a girl can wake up with a wild hair, and wanna do something out of her comfort zone, right? Well today was one of those days for yours truly. After a good twelve hours of sleep, I arose with a goal in mind... to have a full day of quality time with Big Dave. I've been such a nut job lately worrying about Mom, that I felt like we needed some good ol' couples bonding. And I'm pretty sure that I shocked the shit out of him when I asked him if we could not only spend some time together today, but go to the hunting club so he could teach me how to shoot the pistol that's been sleeping under my mattress for the last umpteen years.
I think he thought I was high.
Seriously... for me to suggest this is akin to the parting of the Red Sea. He couldn't get in the truck fast enough!
So we grabbed a sack of Krystals, and headed to the 'country'... aka Big Dave's hunting club in Brooklet, Georgia. Where the cotton's a plenty, and you're allowed to fire a weapon.
... Check out the 'club house'... sure the windows are all broken, there's a giant rat living in the attic, and the toilet only flushes when you pour two gallons of water into the tank... but it's charming, right?
My goals for the day were simple... get familiar with the 38 revolver and 380 semi-automatic that reside beside my bed, and enjoy some 1 on 1 time with my boy. I was kinda TERRIFIED of shooting the guns because I'm scared of pain and our new health insurance doesn't kick in until March 1st, so I had to put on my brave girl panties (which are invisible btw.)
Big Dave went first...
... and after watching him not die or get maimed, I got brave enough to shoot...
And looky looky who shot a bullseye on her first try! lol.... Big Dave was so surprised! But I'm not quite sure what all the fuss is about... just line up the sites and shoot right?
We had a great time with target practice, and then he said he needed to get a deer stand off of one of the trees back in a 'clear cut.' So I was like, 'okay... no problem I'll just lie in the back of the truck and read my book.'
Um... NO.
He asked if I'd help him, because he needed someone to 'hold the ladder' for him. Okay... no big deal right?
WRONG
In true redneck fashion, we headed off toward the woods of doom on his 4-wheeler... down the highway, right onto the red clay road, through the gate, splashing through mud holes and over food plots until we came to this...
...the infamous 'clear cut.' The deer stand that we needed to retrieve was on the opposite side of this. I'm pretty sure this is a scene from Horton Hears a Who... or possible Armageddon. Either way, it was 100% COMPLETELY traumatizing.
Listen... I'll be the first to admit that I'm a big ol' pus. Give me a snuggly blanket, soft mattress, or warm toddy by the fire ANY day, but do NOT make me ride a 4-wheeler over fallen trees and debris while bogging through three foot deep mud pits that look like some sort of scene from Beyond Thunderdome.
Yet, that's exactly what we did.
KILL
ME
NOW.
I was sort of terrified by the time we reached the illusive tree stand. 200 yards NEVER seemed so far!
And sure, I might've put on a brave face, but I kinda just really wanted to cry as Big Dave strapped the entire tree stand to the front of the 4-wheeler. I came to the realization that we were about to have to go back the way we came, but with a bunch of shit tied to us....
It was only because I trust this man with every bit of myself that I climbed back onto that damn death trap to head back... Even when we got stuck on a stump, and had to get off and push the friggin' thing back to level land, I knew that he'd get me back safely...
Of course we survived (I might've been a tad bit dramatic) and Big Dave even let me drive us through the easy parts and back to to the club house. So all's well that ends well. But I'm still doubting that I'll receive my official redneck card.
However, it was fun trying! And I'm pretty sure my boy and I needed this adventure in the woods to help us put life back into perspective. It was a GREAT day.
But... PLEASE LORD NEVER make me do this again!!!!
I love my life. I love my redneck husband. But I do not need to EVER dip my toesies into the kingdom of redneck again. I'm good. I learned my lesson, and I quit.
More power to ya, Light's Out Hunting Team... that clear cut, bog fest is ALL YOURS!
;)
